Exams – my own interpretations of impossible…

I did it!! I completed my AS levels and today sat my final Maths exam. Yes it didn’t go great but I’ve never walked in or out of that exam room any different – something I must learn to accept in order to move on.

 
 Regardless of how terrible I thought it may have went, the tears that came with it – I’ve achieved my biggest goal of this year “to complete my AS levels and sit all my exams”
It has finally sunk in, I’ve done what I didn’t manage last year, I’ve completed my goal and every single day despite of how hard it’s been I have got myself into school. 

And yes I will say (a rarity)… I AM SO PROUD OF ME 

SO many of us, myself included, go into exams knowing what they want to get…for some this may be high expectations and others just not to fail. 

There is a huge tendency to focus on the worse case scenario and what we DON’T want, and do you know what happens when we do this?

We continue to get the same thing, we continue to be stuck in the same vicious cycle over and over and over again…

What we focus on expands, replaying like a broken record over and over “I want to pass, I’m going to fail, I need an C, B or even an A”. 

What starts as an aim becomes an obsession that actually ends up a detriment of our study. We focus on something, we just keep attracting and creating the very thing that we don’t want in our lives… 

I’m guilty. I’ve psyched my self up for this date – the 7th of June – my final exam but unlike most who are happy it’s over I’ve dwelled on it like it’s the key to my life, happiness and possibility of any future.

I have worn myself down with emotions, nerves and fear and successfully made myself so unwell that I’m writing this from the bed I’ve crashed in with exhaustion. 

Unfortunately I’ve let the pressure effect me tremendously and now I’m sat here wondering was it really worth making myself unwell. Why didn’t I believe that yes it’s just a Wednesday. That fundamentally no exam can change the person I’ve become, no date any more or less significant. No grade can erase my current achievements or even change what those around me think.

I have learnt a valuable lesson that I hope will never affect me again.  I have achieved my own interpretation of Impossible just by sitting in that exam room today.  I hope you realise something too, for as long as you are alive it is always possible…

Take care lovelies ☺️

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11 thoughts on “Exams – my own interpretations of impossible…

  1. Hi Kirsty, this blog post has really spoken to me. A long time ago, at your age, I was struggling through issues very different to yours but affecting my ability to study. Like you, the fact that I even turned up for my A levels was something of an achievement. I pretty much failed them all. I have the benefit of 35 years of hindsight, knowing that I have succeeded academically despite those results, and that actually, far from being a failure, even then i had achieved something remarkable because I was still standing. I wish though that I had had your insight and your self-compassion back then to not beat myself up about it for so long. You sound like a remarkable woman, who I feel sure is capable of great things, whatever your exam results are. A levels feel like the be all and end all when you are in the midst of them, but there are many ways to shine and you appear to be doing just that.
    In admiration
    Becky Moore

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your lovely words, honestly it is so hard in the moment to try and not beat myself up but I have got a little better. I think it can just be fustrating when something completely out of your control gets in the way… So happy to here you have succeeded and hope things are better for you now!
      Kirsty x

      Like

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