International Peace Day -“Blowing out someone else’s candle will NOT make yours shine brighter”

So this post is a bit different from my usual topics but I chose today to address the subject of “peace” as the 21st of September marks the international day of peace. The day was established by the United Nations and in 2001 the general assembly voted that on this day it would be a period non-violence and ceasefire. Instead of focusing on some of the bigger issues such as war, government and religious conflicts I have chosen to focus on some of the daily problems that go on in modern-day society…

Nowadays I would say there is a lot more equality around issues such as religion, sexuality, disability, mental health etc… but this does not mean everything is perfect because people daily experience direct attacks regarding what they believe or who they are. People of all ages are called names, laughed at, victimized and even bullied due to their individuality.

This is in no way right.

Not only can words be hurtful in the moment but they can also create a long-term impact on people’s lives. I personally have seen how comments can single-handedly destroy a person’s self-esteem, self-worth and send them into a downward path of self-destruction. It’s not nice and for what some of the people involved see as funny at the time, never seem to consider the damage they can be doing.

In the last year alone I can think of multiple events which have contributed to the worsening of my own mental health…. For example: When I first became ill someone who I thought was a close friend began to reject me from my friendship group, excluded me from any events they organised and ignored me when I tried to be apart of the group.

I tried my hardest to strengthen our friendship but the more I tried the more hurt I became. As someone already suffering from poor mental health, these events led me to completely withdraw from socializing, become anxious around the school environment and at the time I thought I was the direct problem – which contributed to my self-destruction.

It wasn’t a pretty time of my school life, but in no way do I blame the individual for what has happened to me over the last year. Yes, I still don’t understand how someone could do or say such hurtful things but at the same time I don’t believe they understood how much words can hurt a person who is already struggling.  

What happened to me no longer has any significance in my life but I have learnt something from the person’s mistakes which I now follow with the aim of preventing a similar situation happening to anyone else, as “everyone you meet is fighting a battle you could know nothing about, so we should always be kind, always!”

The only emotion I now feel over what happened is an anger that someone could be so hurtful to my previous self, but instead of causing any conflict I have decided to channel this emotion into preventing similar events happening to others by writing this post and following my own advice…

I feel sorry that a person could spread hurtful comments about someone who was fighting for their life in hospital and I feel sad for the same person who clearly has underlying issues that they haven’t been addressed properly…

“Blowing out someone else’s candle will NOT make yours shine brighter”

For anyone out their directly involved in creating conflict, please stop before you say or do something to someone because you don’t know what they might be going through and the impact it could have on their life. Think to yourself “would I want the same to happen to me?”,” is there a better way to solve the issue?” and even “what is going on personally that could be triggering you to feel this way towards someone else?”.

If you are a victim of hurtful comments, actions or even bullying remember there is always someone out there to help…whether it be a teacher, parent, carer, friend or even an online support group/help line. Just keep in mind “some people won’t be happy until they have pushed you into the ground. What you have to do is have the courage to stand your ground and not give them the time of day. Hold on to your courage and never give it away because those who are true friends stick around and are there not only when they need you, but when you need them!”

Things can get better, they have for me, I am now so much more confident at school back socialising more than ever, I have many different circles of friends and have people in my life so much valuable than ever before.

I no longer feel like what people say to me has as big effect on the way I feel about myself because I am now a lot stronger person…. From this day forward I will only choose to listen to the positive comments I get, as those are the ones coming from the people who are actually important in my life…

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14 thoughts on “International Peace Day -“Blowing out someone else’s candle will NOT make yours shine brighter”

  1. This is so good, Kirsty. These are things that we all need to hear. I’m so sorry for all your pain, but I’m so glad you got help and things are going better for you. I thought of a book I’m reading when I read your story. Uninvited by Lysa Terkeurst. It is really helping me. People sometimes reject us, but Jesus never does. He loves us no matter what. Blessings and hugs to you!

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  2. “Blowing out someone else’s candle will NOT make yours shine brighter” — I absolutely LOVE this! This is the first post of yours I have read and I am so impressed with your insight and maturity. You are battling a difficult illness and I pray for your recovery and strength. Thank you for sharing. And thank you for visiting my blog and bringing me to yours. Wishing you all the best in your journey.

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  3. Keep going Kirsty, you are on a wonderful path and inspiring others! I too was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa at 17…you are in a much better place than i was then…
    life gets better and better, but we must love ourselves, take time to heal and stay surrounded with positivity.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I completely agree with you. Went through something similar as a teenager due a guy. When I look back I can’t believe girls would do be mean to each other because of a boy. It’s pitiful. I feel we girls need to stick together especially in a world which makes it tough for us girls to be who we want to be and do what we want to do. I am not referring to the British or American society where girls can do as they please. I am talking of the ones where girls cannot do anything without the consent of their families. It is a suffocating society to live in and when girls misbehave with each other in such societies – it leaves a trace of sadness for those undergoing it. I am a strong believer – girls need to stick together and help each other out – if we truly want any form of equality.

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  5. I know what you are saying very well. It’s not only regarding mental health, it can be anything that people, society say and do things to hurt and keep one out. Say one goes down financially, hardly anyone will give you even a small loan, unless they can see money coming. Some do not even want to know you, even those whom you have helped. These are things that I have gone through personally among other hurtful and painful things, that over the years I became a victim of mental illness.
    This is exactly why I am doing my blog. As so many who are classified under mental conditions are regarded as mad or not normal and because of this stigma so many do not go for medical help. And its a struggle for them to get by even after they become well. Every where in the world there is good and bad. It’s those who fell, who know what it is down the dark hole. And its them who once they come out into the light, who try to light others paths, for them to come home too. Like you and I, and so many who are working for the welfare in the society and the world. Take courage there are many selfless people as much as selfish people. And we need to work together to make the world a better place for now and for the future generations to come. I wish you well in your journey towards becoming stronger. Love, Light and Healing energies from me 🙂 ❤

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  6. Reblogged this on eat spin talk repeat and commented:
    Dear everyone:

    I had a conversation with a little boy today about how bringing people down doesn’t keep them from hurting others. His heart was in the right place. He was serving justice to those who could not do so for themselves. But let’s remember that sometimes being the superhero means helping to build people up, not cut someone else down.

    Love,
    G

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  7. It’s amazing what some people will do and say. Dr. Phil refers to it as “leveling.” Some believe that they must level you because in my opinion, they feel threatened. This tells me that I have something they want or desperately need, ’cause they are definitely doing without something vital in their lives. It makes them hurt less if you hurt more. They are usually not as brave as they appear. Typically, they are handling something much worse, and want to keep it in the shadows. When they look into the mirror that we all reflect, they panic, and lash out. I don’t suspect they should be totally ignored, but they should be instantly taught how we prefer to be treated. Thus, treating them with kindness and understanding will shock, but correct them [at least towards you], almost instantly. Show them how a real candle stays lit!

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  8. Powerful post . Life can be so hard.. people can be mean for no reason. It can be hard on the receiving end of meanness but i say to myself it is their issue not mine.. i dont defined by their thoughts no matter how much it may hurt me..

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